No Data

Test results from Thursday: none.

From what I can gather from discussion with Dr. Sonn, it is just another data point to validate whatever they have already concluded. Another test that is not perfect, just another data point.

At this point, in advance of the Stanford "tumor board" meeting on Tuesday, this thing is that this is what they suspect - a spreading to my bones. It is yet another great irony of life. I feel great. I am looking at a beautiful sunset on a perfect night, having cooked a great meal (in my opinion) for my family. It is becoming more difficult to reconcile what I am hearing from the doctors with the need to make sure that my family knows where I am mentally and, most importantly, what I hope they can use to stay focused in their lives.

What I've concluded at this juncture is that the phrase "it is what it is" is banned. Its a horrible expression. I am reminded of this all too frequently. The much better phrase is that we will attempt to deal with the reality that we are faced with on a daily basis. I am struck with this constantly. In February, I learned that I had a high PSA score and needed an MRI to see if they could understand why. After a brief emergence from COVID lock-down, I learned with a biopsy in June that I had cancer. In a recommended follow-up in July, I learned that the cancer may have spread to my ribs. My expectations of what I have to deal with and a possible road to recovery changes at each step in the process. In February, I had no idea that this is where I would be 6 months later. It gives me a much different perspective on time. I've known about the root of this thing for a while. I waited too long to deal with it, and now everyone is suffering the consequences. It totally sucks, and I want my kids to be clear to not repeat my mistake.

I cannot fault my wife for the pain she is going through with this situation. There is no one to blame. I am responsible. And I look for a way to resolve this in order to prepare for whatever step lies ahead. I appreciate, love, and need the support of everyone in my circle to attack whatever the next reality is.